Dear Teacher with a Sub,
One day. You’re gone one day, and you come back to a classroom that looks like an alligator wrestled a saber tooth tiger for possession of your podium.
Loose leaf paper is everywhere, but nobody turned in any work. How is that even possible?
Tiny airplanes..hundreds of them…are stuck in the ceiling tiles. Was nobody watching you guys at all?
Broken pencils litter the floor, a smelly jacket is missing an owner, a library book is fanned out begging someone, anyone, to read it.
Poor book. I’ll read you.
That’s when you find one of these four notes.
The generic note: All classes were good. Very well-behaved. This, you know, is a lie, but you don’t mind the lie.
The detailed note: Detailed notes about what every single kid did for every second of the day. Boy with the long blonde hair on the first row put his head down two times. Girl with the nose ring, I think her name was Heather, was on her phone twice. Listen, I don’t want to know every detail. I missed for a reason. Also, her name is Angel, and I already know.
The evaluative list: A list of comments regarding the classroom environment, materials, etc. This note, you think, must be from a former teacher. You wonder if you could submit it to admin to count as an evaluation.
The non-note- Thanks for letting me sub today. What? Is that it? Did anyone do anything at all?
Upon return, students are quick to let you know their thoughts.
“That sub was awful.” You make a mental note. “Pick that sub again.”
“That sub was awesome,” which translates to “never pick that sub again.”
That’s when they tell you he talked the whole period about his stint in Vietnam and told them the best way to stick it to the man was to rage against the establishment by refusing to read this mainstream propaganda your teacher left. Then, according to them, he threw the whole stack of copies in the air, and it was freakin’ awesome.
You correct them.
“No, guys what is freakin' awesome is putting a zero in the gradebook for kids who know better than to let a sub get sidetracked.”
Speaking of sidetracked, don't forgot to ask, "Who’s responsible for all those airplanes?"
-CDB