Dear Traveling Teacher,
Mark my word, when that last bell rings signaling summer break, teachers will scatter to the four corners of the Earth. Last year’s post-apocalyptic summer travel consisted of an isolated trip to the strawberry patch, where fourteen stir-crazy families fought valiantly over three shriveled strawberries in an effort to be the first to grin and post a picture to social media.
Then the fall came, and the iron bars closed in on claustrophobic teachers. They haven’t seen the sunshine or a field trip since August. For nine months, they’ve been cooped up in tight quarters with either hormonal teenagers or snotty seven year olds.
Either way, they are due for a pardon. And you better believe, those bags will be packed and ready come quittin’ time.
I’m not a principal, but if I was, I would end the year handing every teacher a pair of Mickey ears upon departure.
Rest assured, fully vaccinated teachers are going to be boarding every plane, U-haul, ferry, Greyhound bus, cruise ship, golf cart, motorcycle, zip line, jet ski, or moped, they can find, and thanks to Florida there are many to board.
They’re also going to strap themselves in fanny packs and douse the bridges of their noses with SPF 95 while buying every Ron Jon’s Surf Shop t-shirt they can find for under $50.
Along the way, they’re going to eat many, many pecan logs from Stuckey’s and take cheesy photos of themselves and their children standing in front of historical monuments, if there are any still standing.
And if there aren’t, don’t worry, they’ll break out a pocket map and teach random strangers about what used to be there, what it meant, and explain why it isn’t there anymore.
That’s because true teachers can’t be muzzled, even in the summer. They also can’t be held responsible for forgetting what day or month it is during their travels.
That’s why I am proposing a courtesy call in August. Nothing long. Just a simple question, “You’re coming back, right?”
-CDB