Dear Math Teacher,
Something about this year doesn't quite add up. So far, we've counted Corona cases, voter ballots, stimulus dollars, and days we've been in quarantine. With all this counting, the buttons on the calculator are dull, and the only digit we truly care about now is the one that tells us how many days are left until the ball drops ushering in 2021. It cannot come fast enough.
In high school, I had the same math teacher all four years. God rest Ms. McDougald's soul. She is finally free from the four years of torture and haunting memories of the Stewart twins. I don't know why it hasn't dawned on me before now, but a good number of my teachers died a premature death.
We really could have been the cause. Do you know how hard it is to teach math? I'm telling you it's enough to kill a person. Teaching math is not like teaching English where you can fudge a little about the main idea or the defining point of the climax. Math has a right answer every single time, and it's really hard to help students find the right answer when someone in the class keeps quietly whispering the words, "Pythagorean Theorem," under her breath as the rest of the class giggles and waits with bated breath for her to do it again. Poor Ms. McDougald in her beige SAS shoes and navy blue polyester slacks. She never did figure out who kept doing it.
It was not me.
Okay, it was me, which is probably why she told our honors Trig class she would rather teach a bunch of hoodlums than us. You can't say things like that these days. It will get you fired, but she was right. We were awful, and the worst part is I can't even call and apologize now.
I really am sorry. There was no call for my rude, crude, and socially unacceptable behavior, but she secured the last laugh in the end.
By divine providence, I somehow became an inclusion math teacher for three years of my career. It was so difficult helping students with a disability learn the pythagorean theorem, especially when I still don't have a clue what it is.
Since I don't know what it is, I also have no idea if this theorem will be a vital instrument in helping with the development a Corona vaccine. If it is, I sure hope someone paid more attention than I did.
I once made the mistake of telling Ms. McDougald I wanted to be a teacher when I grew up. She laughed a maniacal laugh and said, "Oh, I hope to God you do, and I hope you get a classroom full of kids who act just like you."
I didn't know it at the time, but she put a curse on me that day. I really did end up with a classroom full of kids who acted just like me. I wanted to kill them. Then, I realized it was my penance for the shameful years.
I'm not sure I've fully repaid my debt to her or to society, but I know I married a math teacher.
That should count for something, right?