Dear Southern Teacher,
You don’t have to look hard to find her.
She’s the one who calls every student “sweetie,” “honey,” "darlin'," or “baby.” She can’t help it. It’s part of her DNA.
Please check on her during this social distancing year. She has so much extra food and can't even attend a social gathering. Plus, she can't muster up enough will power to resist the temptation to pat a kid on the back when he gets a question right.
Thankfully, COVID has not robbed her of her signature phrase, “Bless him” when referring to the student who keeps calling a contraction, “those two words joined with that comma in the sky.”
For anyone who thinks “bless him” is a compliment, “bless your heart.”
Daily, she's trying to do the right thing and wear her houndstooth mask like she's supposed to, but her thick accent isn't doing her any favors.
Y'all can we all just openly admit ain't nobody learnin' a thang this year?
And if you think otherwise, just ask her, she'll tell you how she really feels.
With a hand on her hip, she'll mumble through her mask. "I don't know about y'all, but I'm just about ready for all this mess to be over with."
Before leaving for the day, she'll dawdle a little more by shuffling some papers around that she has no intentions of grading.
When she gets home, she'll kick off her shoes and shed her mask faster than her bra.
Then she'll check on her roast that's been simmering in the crockpot for six hours.
To an audience of one, she'll say, "Mmm...mmm...that's good." Then, she'll fire up the oven to 450 degrees and roll out some buttermilk biscuits that could make a person forget a pandemic ever existed.
That night, she'll call her adult children and throw out the question they've all been wondering.
"Wha'chall think? Are we safe to go to Dollywood?"
-CDB