Dear Teacher Waiting on a Bonus,
Clark Griswold, from Christmas Vacation, perfected the art of waiting on a Christmas bonus. A sizzling cat, a smoldering tree, a green Jello mold filled with dried cat food.
God bless him.
If ever a man was deserving of a Christmas bonus, it was Sparky.
A second nomination for an individual most deserving of a bonus, at least in my book, is a teacher.
The thing I love most about Clark Griswold is the same thing I love about teachers- a dogged determination to make the best out of a bad situation.
When his father in law, Art tried to steal Clark's Christmas spirit by whining, "The little lights aren't twinkling," Clark resolved to check each bulb twice. I've seen teachers exercise the same dilligence with a faulty overhead projector.
Another time Uncle Eddie showed up in a raunchy RV with Snots, the dog in tow. Yes Clark was embarrassed, but he extended kindness and preserved Eddie's dignity by allowing him to park the RV on his freshly manicured lawn.
Today, I watched a remote lesson where a girl dug for a booger on camera for a solid twenty minutes. The teacher never singled her out. She preserved her dignity, even bragged on her contribution to the discussion. If this level of restraint isn't deserving of a bonus, I don't know what is.
Even Ellen possessed the heart of a teacher. When confronting frozen Audrey about the burden of sharing a bed with her brother, Russ, she simultaneously sent a seasonal message to each of us this year. "I don't know what to say, except it's Christmas, and we're all in misery." Only a true teacher could shut down a squabble with such finality.
The Clark Griswold spirit of resiliency is at an apex this year, but we all know how the story unfolds. Clark finally snaps. A few teachers I know are only one breakdown away from annihilating the family banister with a chainsaw.
It's true. This may not be the "hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced," but a Christmas/Covid bonus might go a long way in helping teachers press on a little longer.
At the end of Christmas Vacation, Eddie asks Clark if he's surprised to see Mr. Shirly, his boss, standing in his living room in a bathrobe. Clark replies with my favorite line, "If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn't be more surprised than I am right now."
Some area teachers woke up to a Christmas bonus that has them feeling like their heads have been sewn to the carpet.
Other teachers are still holding out hope a certified envelope was accidentally shoved into a Fed- Ex driver's seat.
These teachers, like all teachers, love the gift that keeps on giving, but there's also no shame in wondering, "Is it going to be another jelly of the month Christmas?"
-CDB
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