Dear Teacher with an Amazon Wish List,
I have been following your list closely. I desperately want to buy you every single item, but in order to fulfill the entire order, my salary needs a few extra zeroes.
Until then, I'm making a wish list of my own. In doing so, I should warn you I come from a long line of dreamers- dreamers just dumb enough to believe the impossible.
All of this to say, don't be surprised one day when I show up at your school handing out extravagant teacher treasures like an episode of Oprah's Favorite Things. Mark my words. It's going to happen.
1) 72 Cases of Diet Cokes delivered to your classroom door, boxes of Cheeze-its too.
2) A year's worth of free grading- compliments of the retired teacher's union- they've still got those red pens hot, and you know they have not lost their touch.
3) A Uhaul backed up to the school filled with every book you ever wanted but couldn't find on Thrift Books.com.
4) A 2020 white Corvette parked in the back of the school just waiting for an angel like you
5) An industrial size copy machine that never jams and is for you alone
6) 30 bouquets of balloons because it's Tuesday and dog on', it's been a tough week.
7) A $40,000 voucher for a classroom makeover- You don't have to keep receipts. This is not lead money.
8) A spa day once a month- Did somebody say Still Waters? I'll have the deluxe package.
9) Harry Connick Jr. standing at your door to serenade you with a little ditty about the teacher who first believed in him
10) A get out of jail free card- You guessed it. You are whisked away from campus in a limo..a sub covers your class for the day- no, you do not have to leave plans or special instructions for the kid with asthma. Just tell the driver where you want to go, and for the heck of it, pick two friends to come with you. For once, don't count the cost, and for the love of God, don't bring those tacky boxtops with you.
So, what number can I put you down for?
-CDB