Dear Cold Teacher,
It's cold. Too cold. Bone-Chilling Cold.
This is Florida, the land of sunshine, palm trees, Bushwackers, dolphins, and waves.
We, natives, aren't built for cold.
Our tans have faded, and in an act of utter desperation, locals have resorted to toe socks in flip flops. Toe socks in flip flops. It's time for an intervention.
Mr. Winter, we already know you don't have a snow forecast in that suitcase of yours. You never do. We've seen all the social media posts. Our neighboring states are all grins and snow angels. Yes, we're bitter. When it comes to snow, we're always the bridesmaid, never the bride. So on behalf of all Floridians, I am politely asking you to leave.
Take your frozen windshields, grey clouds, and rainy drizzle with you.
This is already a depressing school year. We don't need your dreariness adding to the mix.
On second thought, while you're packing up, go ahead and shove COVID in the side pocket of your luggage and drop it from the highest cliff.
We don't want to turn up the heaters in our classrooms. They smell from disuse, and we've incubated enough germs already.
But on a positive note, these masks are keeping our noses quite toasty, but so will the UV rays of summer sun in a few short months.
Who's counting?
-CDB